12:22 p.m. - 2007-10-20
BB
Your blue eyes flash amusement at the way I answer your questions with a negitive or affirmative answer. Your head swivels round to catch my eyes and your mouth turned up in a half laughing smile. The crinkles around your eyes and the laughter in your face makes my mind want to wrap you up and take you home to my bed. I know you'll be warm, gentle, loving and fast. I want to hold on to you and touch you...but I can't...You can't.
I love the way you look at me- you give me everything in that gaze. You touch me down to there and make me wild and soft all at the same time. Our love could be urgent and languid; soft and hard.
You are playing tricks on my mind...you are everywhere. I feel you damn it.
I'm sick inside knowing my heart is a cheating heart. Yet I revel in the moments spent in your presence.
I've held your hand...stroked your face...ran my hands across your shoulders and down your back to your waist...Heard your joys and sorrows...I've seen you cry.
I want to take away your sadness and pain; lonliness and heartache. I want to stroke my fingers through your hair and touch the full, thick mustache above your thin lips. I want to touch the scar on your neck, and I want to hear from your lips how it came to be. I want to hear you tell me more about you...and being able to be yourself and free. I want to see you laugh again...find freedom in love...God B,...just the few moments we shared alone will last a lifetime. You touched me deep without saying a word.
Seeing you alone in your hotel room; looking out at the streets below. I stand behind you and rest my head on your back; wrapping my arms around you; feeling your body at war. We shared this solitude together for a few moments...each lost in thoughts of the other; and you turn to me with sadness on your face and in your eyes...you are not the cheating type you say, and I couldn't do that to you. You are worth too much to me for that. I understand....
I understand that I will never hold him in my arms; skin to skin...OH but I've held him heart to heart. I'm holding on to that. Somewhere, somehow his heart is beating the same as mine...and I may never hold him or be in his presence again but it is enough. He is gone now...my hear is sad, but thrills at the simple thought of his laugher, smile and tears. B....I wish I could have made sweet love to you; maybe it's better this way...love unrequited.
I keep remembering the way your ex wife, Sharon and daughter Stacie kept watching you watching me; the interesting comments they said. It's almost like they approved of me, but didn't wat to come right out and say. I liked them very much, you can see they both still love and care for you deeply. They want to see you happy. I hope you don't dissapoint...your daughter needs a better example now that she is getting married.
Our trip to Bogus...I'll never forget it. I haven't been up there since I broke it off with Wils. Thank you for that.
I learned a lot from your step father on our way up there...boy you were a handful. It sure was cute seeing you blush and get embarrassed about some of the stories; and it was great seeing the relationship you have with him.
Thanks for sharing the first snow with me; the beautiful view, and thanks for posing for the picture with me. Don't worry...T will only give it to me. I'm glad I have something tangible to put my hands on; some sort of evidence of us. You've touched me in places that T hasn't. I'm not saying that what I have with T is bad; because it is not. I'm my truest self with him, but with you...I feel on cloud nine. B, thanks for the wonder of it all. WL, H
